lessons learned

"love is the key to happiness" 

plastered on the door of my closet

i am beginning to learn it is 

and what it is not

love is not:

a 2am text

attachment

possession

telling me how to dress

a necklace with your name

lists of friends i can longer talk to

constant communication

lying about where i am

mocking my ambitions

formulaic

love is:

an 8am text

celebrating his achievements

accepting the past

patience

offering advice and support

a walk in the park (literally and metaphorically)

tulips 

bookstores

fighting for causes together

candor

people love in different ways 

but i like ours the best

home sick

sometimes i pretend dark clouds are mountains

and wait for them to part to see the sun

but my eyes drift to monstrous buildings
a small candle flickering in each window

we are not amongst the birds
we are the planes

pretending that it's natural to fly
our feet firm on the ground

all that is true is within ourselves

a letter to a friend

he was raised to believe that he is supposed to be with someone that has never loved.

but you have burned hearts and crushed souls.
you are a thunderstorm, a burning forest fire.
your depth and emotions are incomprehensible to him.

i have witnessed this too often
beautiful, feminine souls dragged down by society

repressed by the verbal cues
"calm down"
"you run like a girl"
"stop being so bossy"

i was criticized for being bossy
mocked for my ambition
told that i should not be the president of my school.

i won that election

but america would rather elect a man that degrades women
normalizes sexual assault
and calls us "pigs"

you have had experiences
and these experiences have shaped who you are

but he doesn't like the chisel

each time the mallet struck
he blamed you for your debauchery

innocence is praised
but when it is stripped they find less meaning in you
(even if they are the takers)

men are praised for loving at a superficial level
any depth is condemned and contained

"i love you" he says
"but i can't get over your past"

I am Nature

Recently, I was assigned an essay in composition class. I thought I would share it as it deeply reflects my values:

       “It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see” (Thoreau). When analyzing a photograph one may be quick to describe the simplicities of it, such as the objects and actions in it and fail to discover the true meaning of the picture. Photographs be can represented in the same manner as nature in the sense that you must look deeper than the surface of its properties to find true meaning. My photograph identifies that I love to be amongst the trees and connect with nature. As for the title, it was determined because I always value the fact that I am part of nature and that the environment should be treated with just as much respect as we are. The picture highlights that our environment can often fade into the background and we consider ourselves to be the focus of our world as the photograph focuses on me, the human, instead of the flowers. However, what I am attempting to convey through the title is that we are simply a part of nature. In order to explain why this photograph is significant to me and my beliefs, I must highlight certain qualities of it.
   The photograph appears to be a product of a typical teenage girl’s “photo shoot” that will be posted onto Instagram with some sort of cliche caption. I am firmly grasping the dainty tree branch and guiding it to come into view with my eye and the branch faintly resists my pull as I tug. My eye is wide open, despite the heavy eye make-up weighing down my eye-lid like the thought of a final exam looming overhead. My eye looks to be a darker shade of blue than the usual tint, almost as if the brilliance of the nature has taken away my eye’s luminosity. My eyebrows are a darker and messier version of my hair, each hair on my brow making its presence known. The light blonde hair is a product of the sun’s rays reaching the top of my head as I labor on the tennis court for hours and hours everyday. A red hue surfaced on my tan skin to prove the existence of exposure to sun beams. But the most important aspect of the photograph is not what I, the human, look like. Incontestably, the most important aspect is the aesthetic qualities of the flowers that bring energy to the scene. The pink hue of the petals colliding with the green of the leaves to form a alluring couple. Miniscule dots of yellow within the petals depict the never- ending beauty that nature brings through every pollinating season. The veins of the leaves and petals appear as they were formed by a river flowing through sandstone tracing spindly paths to guide nutrients to every section of their being. Like the veins of the leaves and petals, nature has consumed me with joy and peace throughout my whole being. A stranger can infer from this picture that I love nature because I would not have taken this photograph otherwise. There are clear facts about me and the blossoming tree presented, but there is more meaning to this picture than the visible physicalities.
There are many significant aspects of the photograph that cannot be detected by an outsider. The photograph fails to convey that I have a deep belief in developing a strong relationship with nature, that is the main reason why I decided to select this photograph. If a stranger was to look at the photograph, they could understand certain superficial qualities about me, but not why I am posing with a blossoming tree branch. I found my path to relaxation and happiness through nature shortly after obtaining my license. My 1994, cherry-red Jeep Wrangler allowed me to travel on dirt trails that the average car could not go on. My friends and I used to go up into the mountains of Utah almost everyday after school and do our homework. I am a very high-strung person and I used to get so stressed at times that I would not be able to even focus. Nature relinquished a magnificent healing and calming power that enabled me to do my best work. Overall, this photograph superficially describes that I may simply like this blossoming tree or nature in general, but I truly chose it because it represents my deep connection with nature and my mission to protect this natural land that we have on this Earth. As I sit on the lawn writing this essay with the trees swaying in the wind I am able to feel certainty that I am nature.