lessons learned

"love is the key to happiness" 

plastered on the door of my closet

i am beginning to learn it is 

and what it is not

love is not:

a 2am text

attachment

possession

telling me how to dress

a necklace with your name

lists of friends i can longer talk to

constant communication

lying about where i am

mocking my ambitions

formulaic

love is:

an 8am text

celebrating his achievements

accepting the past

patience

offering advice and support

a walk in the park (literally and metaphorically)

tulips 

bookstores

fighting for causes together

candor

people love in different ways 

but i like ours the best

home sick

sometimes i pretend dark clouds are mountains

and wait for them to part to see the sun

but my eyes drift to monstrous buildings
a small candle flickering in each window

we are not amongst the birds
we are the planes

pretending that it's natural to fly
our feet firm on the ground

all that is true is within ourselves

a letter to a friend

he was raised to believe that he is supposed to be with someone that has never loved.

but you have burned hearts and crushed souls.
you are a thunderstorm, a burning forest fire.
your depth and emotions are incomprehensible to him.

i have witnessed this too often
beautiful, feminine souls dragged down by society

repressed by the verbal cues
"calm down"
"you run like a girl"
"stop being so bossy"

i was criticized for being bossy
mocked for my ambition
told that i should not be the president of my school.

i won that election

but america would rather elect a man that degrades women
normalizes sexual assault
and calls us "pigs"

you have had experiences
and these experiences have shaped who you are

but he doesn't like the chisel

each time the mallet struck
he blamed you for your debauchery

innocence is praised
but when it is stripped they find less meaning in you
(even if they are the takers)

men are praised for loving at a superficial level
any depth is condemned and contained

"i love you" he says
"but i can't get over your past"